


take apart these precious bones

by Rag



Series: raining cats and dogs [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cunnilingus, Dysphoria, Experience Difference, First Time, Fluff, Loss of Virginity, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Other, PWP, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:19:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: And now it’s official -- you’re dating the cutest person in the universe. Now, you’re not just cuddling with another part-animal buddy who appreciates a good snuggle without making it weird. You’re cuddling your datemate.jade and davepeta watch a movie and boink





	take apart these precious bones

**Author's Note:**

> if you read the first part this is completely tonally dissonant in that it's 100% indulgent porn with a dash of feelings

Your name is Jade Harley, and you’re watching movies with a lap full of datemate. The cuddling part is familiar, but the datemate part is new. You’ve been friends with Davepeta for months now, since the game ended. But until a few weeks ago, you were both very consciously not thinking about the dating thing. You both wanted to, but you also both wanted some time to sort stuff out. The whole “part of Davepeta dated a version of you who’s dead now” thing was a little too weird to just dive right in with.

But your feelings got sorted out! And now it’s official -- you’re dating the cutest person in the universe. Now, you’re not just cuddling with another part-animal buddy who appreciates a good snuggle without making it weird. You’re cuddling your _datemate_. And it’s not strange and forbidden when you think about how cute they are and how good they smell and how you want to kiss them. You can just go ahead and kiss them. They’re a great kisser.

You’re having a hard time focusing on the movie. All you can think about is how nice they feel. They’re purring a little bit as you run your fingers through their hair. There’s no genetic part of them that’s a cat, but they love cats so much that stuff like purring is almost natural for them. It’s super charming. They have a contented smile on their face as they watch the screen with half-open eyes. You can see some, but not all, of their features from the dim light reflected from the screen. Super-soft strawberry blonde hair, dark green freckles that glow just a little in the dark, and perfect (purrfect) little nose and playful smirk.

They roll over a little, nudging your hand away.

“Are you even watching?”

“Heh, not really.”

They smirk. “Wanna make out instead?”

Your heart thuds in your chest. “Yeah.”

They scoot up and crowd over you so you’re nudged between their body and the bed. The movie is still running, action and loud music still ringing from the speakers. Davepeta leans forward and kisses you.

You guys have been doing more of this, obviously, since you started dating. You’re taking it easy. You didn’t want to rush into emotional stuff, and you don’t want to rush into sex stuff, either. You started off slow, just a little kiss here or there, then more kissing, then making out, then, well. The farthest you’ve gotten, is lots of making out with a little grinding, but you stop before it gets too wild.

Honestly, you’re ready. You think. At the very least, you want to do more than you’ve been doing, whatever that entails. So you’re kind of just playing it all by ear. And jerking off a _lot_ after they go home.

 

You wrap your arms around them and kiss them back. Their lips are soft but they’re demanding, taking the lead. They tend to do that. You’re glad because you have no idea what you’re doing. You mostly just copied their movements until you got a feel for kissing (it’s really, really uncomfortable to think that they learned to do all this with the other Jade, the one who died, so you try not to think about it). You pull them closer so your chests are flush, then jolt when their tongue tickles your bottom lip. You’ve barely done anything, but they’re pressed up against you, and without all the clothes and without the take it slow thing, the two you, right now, just like this, you could be-

They pull away.

“Mm?”

They make a soft sound and nuzzle down to your neck, then press a hard kiss to it. You gasp. It sends shivers down your body.

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

This is another thing the two of you do, something that isn’t too much or too fast but drives each other nuts. You love it, and you love doing it to them, feeling them twitch and gasp under you, tasting their skin. Their fur is thinner on their neck, makes it easier to mack on.

They kiss your skin again and gently start to lick. It tickles and makes you feel so vulnerable. Something about how they do it sparkles through you, right down to the center of all your attention right now. They keep it up, slowly increasing the pressure and movements. They start to run their hands down your sides, and you feel like every inch of your skin is paying attention.

“That’s good,” you pant.

“Good.”

You never want them to stop. Their hands, which seem to leave hot trails everywhere they touch, run down, down, to the hem of your shirt and then start to dip inside. Just enough that you start to feel their skin on yours. Then they wait.

“Do it?” you ask, don’t demand, because you really want it but that’s farther than you usually go.

They make a satisfied _mm_ sound that you feel in your throat and then run those hands up your skin. Your hips buck up and you’re so embarrassed.

“Woah, are you that turned on?”

“Shut up.”

“It’s hot.”

“Is it?” You feel like it’s more stupid than anything. It’s embarrassing how much this does to you, how fast, probably because you’re a virgin with no experience. You had the god tier stuff, but that was really different. You realized that the second time you kissed them.

“Fuck yeah. You’re hot as hell. It’s fun.”

You shudder. They push your bra up over your breasts. You moan a little, just from the little brush of the fabric. Sometimes it feels like anything they do could make you shake, you’re just that excited and hungry for everything they have to offer. Davepeta feels your breasts slowly, like they’re really special, and runs their fingertips over your nipples in a way that makes you feel like jelly. They kiss your lips and you wrap your arms around them. They shift a little bit, getting into a position where they can keep messing with your chest while you make out. It’s the fucking best. There’s another explosion of sound from the TV. You’re glad that you left it on. It’ll probably drown out the sounds of panting and rustling and your soft moans, and the quiet noises that Davepeta makes when you grab their butt and knead into it a little. They rock forward and their hips grind into yours, and the feeling burns in you and makes you starved for more. But they go still and lift their hips.

“Heh, oops,” they say breathlessly.

You bite your lip. “Oops.” So, that was too fast. Okay. Fuck, it’d be good, though. You want to wrap your legs around their waist and grind against them and dig your nails into their back. Later, maybe. Someday.

For now, you get started on reciprocating. Davepeta has these little growths on the far sides of their chest. They’re almost flat, but when you’ve (very carefully) explored the skin beneath the fur, they’re deep green against their orange skin, the color you’ve come to associate with their blood, freckles, and birthmarks. Playing with them makes Davepeta make those adorable little squawk-moans. You rest your hands just a few inches below them and feel Davepeta start to shake when you slowly pull them up. You always know when you reach them, even though you can’t really feel any difference, because Davepeta is so expressive. They gasp air out of your mouth and accidentally grind their hips back against you before pulling back up again, and pull their hands out of your shirt.

“God, I’m on a fucking train to fasttown roll today, shit.”

You see the fork in the road, where you could laugh and agree or encourage them. You take the more exciting path. “It’s okay,” you say. “Really.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They bite their lip shyly. “We can just… play it by ear?”

Your heartbeat thuds in your chest as you nod.

They grin, and their eyes are wide and a little feral. “Nice.”

They lean over and kiss you again, then give your shirt a little tug. They look at you, questioning. You pull it off. This is new, too. You usually leave that on. You’ve never been this naked in front of them. You resist the urge to cover your chest with your arms as they stare at you. You’re not usually shy about your body, but the way they look at you makes you so self-conscious.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty.”

“You too. Take it off.”

Their eyebrow waggle doesn’t reduce the flustered look on their face as they pull their shirt off. You’ve seen this before, when they were changing out of bloody clothes after a hunt, but it’s different now. You pull them down and kiss them again. Their fur is insanely soft against the skin of your chest, and every inch of contact makes you feel like you’re on fire. Your hands quickly find those fun little mounds and you smirk when they moan. And then their hands are back on your chest, like they’re trying to outdo you.

Their fingers keep ghosting back and forth over your nipples. It’s getting hard for you to breathe, to think. Especially when they slowly lower themselves back down, so that their body is between your legs, their heavy pressure on your sex. You don’t know if they even realize they did it. They’re winding you up and up so tight, you feel like you’re going to explode. You never want it to stop kissing them and feeling them and soaking up their touch. The two of you are both panting and moaning and barely, barely grinding your hips against each other, so careful. You pull off to gasp and say their name.

“Yeah?” They keep moving against you - so, they’re aware, nice - and their little touches are driving you insane.

“More?”

“Hmm.” They stop, and you’re worried you pushed it too far, too fast. Then they just shift their fingers directly over your nipples and squeeze them. You moan a little too loud and slap your hand over your mouth.

“Fuck no, that’s the hottest shit ever, don’t hide it.” They roll one back and forth between their fingertips and whoa, whoa whoa, you haven’t even done that to _yourself_ and it feels amazing, like there’s a string there tugging straight to your clit.

“That’s … really good.”

They smirk. “I was getting that impression.”

Shithead. _Fuck_. They start doing the other one too, at the same time, and you arch and grind your hips hard into theirs. It feels so good that you forget for a few beats that they were trying _not_ to, like, actively grind your way into orgasms here.

“Fuck, sorry-“

They lean forward into your ear and press their body down hard against yours. “So, uh. Maybe time to revisit the _take it slow_ conundrum?” they purr into your ear. You almost come right then, which is so fucking embarrassing. “I mean, or not,” they quickly retract. “We don’t have to. We can stop here.”

“No.” Words? Words. “Don’t stop. I’m ready.”

They exhale against your ear and it sends a shiver down that half of your body. “Really? Are you sure? Like, ready-ready?”

“I’ve been ready for weeks,” you admit. You cringe, you should have had this talk earlier.

Davepeta laughs.

“What?”

“Me too.”

“Oh.” You take that in. “Weeks?”

“Weeks!” they say. “Well, shit, it’s settled. We’re gonna do sex.”

“Davepeta, please,” you groan.

“Babe, though, I’ve wanted this for so long, you don’t even know.” They start kneading your nipples again, and grinding their hips against yours. Fuck. Now that _all the way_ is on the table, you feel like you’re going to explode. You open your legs and wrap them around their waist. It feels fucking awesome. And, and maybe you can... maybe you…

“Can you… touch me?”

They give you a smoldering look and move their hand down your side, down your stomach, to your pants. You feel like you’re burning from the inside.

“Here?”

You nod. They kiss you and start working on the button of your pants. They’re going to do it, fuck. You’re going to vibrate out of your skin. They get your zipper down and you feel the gentle pressure of their fingertips over your underwear. You arch when they brush over your clit, and then they’re pulling back.

“Wh-“

They pull your pants down. Oh. Okay. They pull your underwear down, too, and their eyes widen. You know why. You feel the way they stick to your junk. You look away, embarrassed.

“Holy shit, you’re soaked.”

You thought you were burning before, when they were looking at your chest. Now you can feel their eyes between your legs and you’re burning from within. You close your legs.

“Shit, babe, don’t do that!” They gently pull your legs apart and you let them fall open. They nuzzle their way down your thigh, holy shit, nosing closer to your…

“What are you doing?” you ask breathlessly.

They waggle their eyebrows. “Any requests?”

You’re going to die. They’re too experienced, they’re too confident. You can barely string words together, and they’ve done this before so many times. Your clit feels huge and throbs between your legs, and your pussy clenches on nothing.

[Sex, please]

“One sex, coming up.” They pause. “Can I eat you out?”

Ha, and you thought your clit was on fire before.

“It-it’ll taste weird.”

“Doubt that.” They kiss your thigh again and look up at you. Like they really want you to say yes.

“Please,” you whisper.

They lean over and kiss at the insides of your thigh. You slap your hand over your mouth because you’re making way too much noise, you’re embarrassing yourself. You want to turn the volume up, but you don’t want to move. You can feel Davepeta’s cheek against the inside of your thigh, heavy and solid, and they’re planting these gentle kisses closer and closer to. On the lips of your pussy now, just one brushing past your clit and then to the other side, you’re going to burn out of your skin. And then their tongue makes contact with your folds, where you’re soaked, and they moan. Like they think it tastes _good_. It’s so embarrassing and flattering, and its just a little too far away from where you _need_ it, and you’re going nuts.

You focus on breathing and trying not to make some really, _really_ embarrassingly loud noises. They look at you with a smug grin on their face and you see their hand between their legs. That’s so hot. You can’t wait to get them back. And then that perfect tongue is lapping up, up, until it’s _right_ where you need it. Your eyes roll back in relief. It feels fucking amazing, soft and weird and wet, and it just doesn’t let up. They keep going at you until you feel all the tension melt out of you and you sink bonelessly against the bed, just letting them keep you in a fuzzy, happy state of bliss, slowly slowly slowly building towards a peak.

You try to tell them how good it feels, but it’s really, really hard to make the words go. They probably understand. Your legs keep accidentally closing a little and then brushing up against their hair and the solid, foreign feeling of their head between your legs.

They draw back sometimes to tease their tongue against your folds, and slowly work their way back to your aching clit with licks, patterns, and soft, mind-numbing sucks. There’s only a few weird moments when the stupid, troublemaker part of your brain reminds you where they must have learned to do this. You don’t let it get to you, this is too. They don’t stop, but you don’t come for so much longer than it usually takes you, and you start to get embarrassed.

“I’m sorry it’s n-not happening,” you manage to pull from your pleasure-cloud brain.

Davepeta looks baffled. They pull off (oh no) and replace their tongue with their hand, rubbing at you softly. Not enough to push you over, just enough to keep you where you are.

“Babe, it’s been like four minutes.”

“Yeah?” You don’t understand what they’re getting at. It usually takes you, like, one.

“I’m good for, like, at least 20.”

You stare at them, disbelieving.

“Do you think I’m joking?”

“Oh my god.”

“Just enjoy it, babe. I’m literally in heaven. I’ve wanted to do this so bad for months and it’s so much better than I thought it’d be.” They nuzzle between your legs and start saying some filthy nonsense about how delicious you taste. You’re so flustered by the time they finish talking and planting gently kisses to your thighs. [Thank you] is all you can manage.

You let your head fall back and try to breathe. And they start at you again. 20 minutes. Five times as much as what you’ve already had. You can’t imagine. That’s so much. That’s luxurious. That’s insane. And it feels _so good_.

And slowly, slowly, they use that clever tongue to work you up, both of you moaning as you let yourself feel it. Eventually, you feel it building past the point of no return. They double down on their efforts and you find yourself grinding against them a little, rubbing at your nipple and running your fingers through their hair, until it’s all too much. You bite your hand to keep from whimpering as it all washes over you.

Eventually they pull off of you. You lean forward and look at them. You feel loopy and can’t stop smiling. “Come here.” They crawl up the bed and cuddle next to you. You try to kiss them, but they turn away. “What?”

“You want to get acquainted with the fruit of your loins?”

You laugh loudly. “I don’t care, come here.”

They kiss you. You were a little nervous, because you had no idea what that tasted like - why would you! - but it’s not awful. Just weird. And you’re not about to send them out to brush their teeth.

“Take your pants off,” you mumble. They hesitate. Their easy, relaxed confidence fades. “Or don’t!” you say quickly.

“Uh, sure, yeah, just. Don’t expect a lot.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll find out, I guess,” they mumble. They pull their own pants down and… nothing. Just more bright orange fur, all the way down. You hunt for a little too long before realizing they probably have an innie.

“Show me what to do?” They hesitate. Again. You’re getting really uncomfortable and nervous. Are you pushing them? You’re giving them so many outs, but maybe they don’t realize you mean it? “We don’t have to do it,” you remind them. Maybe they’re feeling pressured. You’ll be kind of bummed if you can’t get them back, but you really don’t want to push this.

They shake their head. “I, well, okay, I super fucking want it, but I just- I-“ They seem to be having a lot of trouble getting words out.

“Would signing help?”

They look at you helplessly.

[I can try? I.] Their hands stop om the middle of a movement and fall to their sides. They grimace.

“Whatever it is, I won’t judge you,” you say softly.

They flit their eyes back and forth between your face and the floor as they sign. They use tight, small movements, so close to their chest you have trouble making them out. [I’m really fucking weird down there. Really, _really_ weird.]

“I hope you aren’t offended but I assumed you would be?”

That at least makes them laugh. “Yeah, okay, why the fuck wouldn’t I be.”

“Can I see?” you ask.

They look at you shyly and nod. “Yeah. Just.” They slowly open their legs, bit by bit, and you scoot down. You… don’t actually see anything. If they hadn’t just told you that they had _something_ down there, you’d be worried that the sprite fusion had pushed sex organs out of them altogether. But you definitely smell their arousal, strong and thick, coming from somewhere in there. Tentatively, you reach out and touch them where your clit would be.

“No, uh, fuck.” They gently take your hand and push it lower. “Around here.”

You still don’t feel anything, as much as you try. Do they… do they not know where it is? Have they really had so little experience with it? That doesn’t make sense, it’s probably something else. Maybe they’re just embarrassed. You touch the skin and fluff around the area gently, watching their reactions. They’re breathing fast, and gasp a little when you move down- oh, there. You feel something slick. You follow the trail up until their skin gives. Your finger slips inside a little. Davepeta shudders.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, Jade.”

“Is that good?” You gently rub your finger around the hole, trying to figure it out, and, oh, okay, now you can see it, when you really look. It’s kind of like yours, sort of, but not really. It’s an extremely tight slit, but it seems really, really pliant. Your finger almost slips in without meaning to, and the skin gives under your barely-there pressure, almost like it’s filled with jelly. Whoa, this is really like nothing you’ve ever seen before. It’s probably completely one of a kind, hardy har.

“Yeah.” They bite their lip, then tense up. “Oh, shit, wait.”

“What?” You pull your finger out.

“Just one more thing?” You wait. They look away. “I... It’s really hard for me to actually, like. You know.”

“What?”

“Shit…” [Jizz, it’s hard for me to jizz. Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t happen.]

Whoa. “Sorry, that really sucks.”

“It’s better than never jizzing ever, right? I coulda been null at this point. Like, _no, that’s enough species for you. No more fucking, you absolute clusterfuck of a being_.”

“I guess, yeah,” you say weakly.

“This is depressing. Please plunder my depths.”

You snort and start to search around for that hole again. You’re… having trouble finding it. How did you lose it? You’re the worst. They take your hand and guide it back to that place, then shiver when your finger makes contact. You’ll learn, eventually. There will be plenty of opportunities to practice.

Actually, now that you look at it, it’s a little more swollen and distended than the rest of them. And it definitely feels hotter. Gently, you push a finger inside of them. It’s so tight. Maybe a little too tight. They tense up a little.

“Good? Bad?”

“It just. Takes me a second. To get used to it. I, fuck, don’t move too much.”

You keep your finger still. “What do you usually do?”

They bury their face in their arm. “I dunno, just kinda. Fucking. Go at the area.”

They… they really might not know what they’re working with, you realize. “What?”

“Listen, I really don’t do a whole lot with it because it’s, I mean, look at it. What the fuck.”

You don’t know how it took you so long to figure out that they don’t even really like to _think_ about their genital situation, let alone explore it. You don’t know what “going at the area” entails, but asking at this point would just freak them out more. You’re already feeling awful for being such a tactless turd about it. You rub at their hip, down their side, and dig your fingers in past the featherfur to their skin soothingly. “It’s just different, Deeps,” you say quietly.

“Yeah. Fuck. Sorry. Getting all fucking weird about it.”

You gently pull your finger out, because the mood is either asleep or totally dead. You crawl up to kiss them. They seem relieved, and wrap their arms around you. You dig your fingers in gently all over the skin on their sides, focusing on their little patches, until they shiver and moan softly.

“Can I use my mouth on you?” you ask. You hear their breath hitch.

“Oh, fuck yeah, okay.” They bite their lip and their pupils look big and blown with lust.

You sink back down between their legs and kiss at their thighs. They gasp. You wonder how long it’s been for them. No one has done this to them before. To Davesprite, maybe to Nepeta, but not to them. You swipe your finger along it, enjoying how they shiver, then pop your finger in your mouth. You’ve never done this before, so you’re kind of nervous, but it doesn’t taste horrible. It actually tastes pretty interesting. You’re probably gross for thinking that. Whatever. You take a deep smell of the place between their legs. It’s a really good, strong and aroused. You can feel them trembling above you and look up to see them flushed bright orange and biting their hand.  You lean forward and lick at the swollen ring. It’s warmer than your tongue and Davepeta caws. They grab at your hair gently and their thighs start to close around your head.

“Shit, fuck, okay, that’s new, that’s new and really fucking good.”

Fuck yes, success. You look up and do it again, and again, and their legs shake around your head. You slowly swipe your tongue over the whole of it, and when you dip in just a little bit Davepeta moans. You wonder… you do it again, and push your tongue gently inside. It’s a little bit of a stretch, but loosens up fast, and Davepeta seems to be having a fucking great time.

And then you startle back as something pokes at your tongue from within.

"Whoa, what's that?"

“What’s what?” they ask breathlessly.

“Something- from inside?”

“Oh, shit, the fuckstick is coming out to play?”

“Your- Deeps, is that really what you call it?”

“Listen, there literally aren’t words for what you’re about to see-“

“Your fuckstick?”

“Yeah. Fuck, don’t freak out? I- fuck, it usually doesn’t-“

“I won’t.” You’re incredibly curious, though.

What emerges is a soft, fleshy green stalk about the size of your finger.

“Woah.”

“Yeah, so, that’s the dude,” they say weakly. “It’s kind of like. Bulge and dick and bird junk all in one.”

“Wow.”

“I know, it’s a fucking monument to creation.”

“Can I touch it?”

“ _Please_ touch it, oh my god, there’s like a 95% chance I can come if-”

Oh, you _love_ the sound of that. You wonder what exactly the machinations of their body are, what criteria need to be fulfilled for this to come out. Maybe it’s just … actually stimulating the area, instead of “going at it” and hoping something gives. That thought makes you sad. You’ve got plenty of time to learn with them, anyways. Experiment one: you lean over and tentatively lick it.

They arch back sharply against the bed. “Fuck! Fuck, Jade, shit, can you- can you suck it? Holy fuck, please, please suck it? If you want? That’d be cool but-”

You can totally suck it. You reach up and squeeze their hand while they keep babbling, then lean over and take it into your mouth. It tastes the same as their hole, but there’s a bit of a copper undertone to it. It yields under your tongue, more than you expect it to. It takes very little effort to get the whole thing in your mouth with how small and slim it is.

Davepeta is wheezing and squawking and not even trying to hide it. You should have made sure Hal wasn’t home before you decided to go the full mile. You had no idea they would be so loud. It’s really, really hot, though, and Hal probably got the message and skedaddled, or turned off audio sensors, or something. Hopefully. God, stop thinking about Hal, weirdo!

You try sucking gently. Once, twice. Davepeta goes rigid. “Don’t stop,” they beg. You don’t, and you watch them tremble and arch and whimper louder and louder, looking at you like they can’t believe you’re there. And then they go rigid, and their stalk oozes into your mouth. You won’t be positive until you ask them, but you’re pretty darn sure they just came, and it’s one of the hottest things you’ve ever seen.

And so fast, you realize. Wow. Maybe it’s romance goggles distorting your sense of time, but you’re pretty sure you’d been doing that for two minutes, tops. Wow. Wow wow, are they just that sensitive? That’s so hot.

You crawl up their body and kiss the side of their face. They turn and kiss you sloppily.

“I can’t believe you made me come. Oh my god. How did you do that. That- you took like, one second.”

It’s hard to talk when they keep kissing you fervently.  “Is that not normal for you?” you eventually manage.

“Fuck no! Abso-fucking-lutely not! It usually takes an hour and it still sucks! And-and oh, that’s new, what the fuck?”

“What?”

You look where they’re looking. Between their legs, their… fuckstick, you guess, is still out, and it’s writhing.

“That’s new?” you ask.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s new. Fuck.”

You drift your hand down close to it. “Do you want to…”

They make a tiny little caw in their throat. You look up, surprised and flattered. They only do that when they’re really, really jacked up or blissed out, like mid-hunt or bite one into a really good meal.

“Yeah.”

You start rubbing at it, softly, with your fingertips. They shiver and grab at you.

“What the fuck…”

“What?”

“I’m so horny, it’s fucking nuts. How.”

You raise your eyebrows. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“No.” They grip you tighter. “Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t.” You’re completely fascinated by this. You wonder how many times in a row they can go before they start to have a refractory period. Just how the hell did they get wired like this? Or maybe this is just a one-time thing? You’ll find out! You’re also getting wet again. You’re probably making a mess. That’s fine, there are more important things to focus on. Davepeta is shuddering and panting into your neck, and their bulge is spasming against their fingers.

You pull back a little and gently press a finger back inside of them, and happily find that it still fits inside of them, even with the bulge crowding the space. You can feel the root of their bulge from inside of them, feel it extend past where your finger can reach. You wonder how far is good, and what would be too much. They were right, their junk is really weird, but if it’s a puzzle you’ve never wanted to solve anything more. You push in a little deeper as you work your tongue over their bulgestalk, and they make a sound you haven’t heard before. You slow down and look up.

“Do it again.”

“What? This?” You push your finger in as deep as it can go and they shudder. Their legs clamp down around your arm before they force them apart. They look disheveled and desperate.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, holy shit.”

You can do that. You do it over and over and over and watch as they seize up, feel them tighten around your finger. They sound so desperate, and they start rocking against your hand. You let your other hand down from their hair and tangle it between their bulge. They start spewing obscenities between their praises. They seem to really, really like when you play with both at once. Davepeta arches back, their hands grasping at the sheets, and they’re moaning wordless nonsense.

“Oh, fuck, holy shit, I’m gonna…”

Hell yes. You keep up exactly what you’re doing, ignoring the ache between your legs, as their moans crescendo and they grind against your hands. You’re in heaven. You could die like this with no regrets. And then they squeeze around your finger so tightly, their tentacle releases another disproportionate amount of fluid, and they moan so loudly that you worry that people a mile away will come pounding down your door asking what’s wrong.

Then they push you off, oversensitive, and shake. They’re making these soft, continuous caws and they don’t even seem embarrassed by them, for once. You kiss the side of their face and cuddle next to them, and they pull you down for a really, really messy kiss. It’s so hot, you think you’re going to explode. You slip a hand between your legs just to relieve some of the pressure. They replace it with theirs and you moan.

“Jade. Jade, oh my god. Jade of the magic fingers. Holy shit. I didn’t even have to fight for it. Either time. What did you do. How did you do that.”

“Fuck- good, good for you, that was so hot.”

“Jade, really, what the fuck. You have to give me lessons. I need to know what you did.”

“I can show you later.”

“Later is good. Mm. Mmmm. Jade, you did it.”

“I did it?”

“You did. You made my pussycat meow.”

“Weird!”

You push their hand back to the seeping slit between your legs. They get the idea.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, please.”

And they start rubbing you. You grind against their finger until it starts to build more and more as they tell you how perfect you are, until it finally implodes. You ride it out and then fall over on top of them, exhausted.

You’re both sweaty and naked and covered in musky fluids. And Davepeta is purring like that cat that broke the sound barrier, even though you’re pretty sure that’s just an urban legend.

“We should probably shower,” Davepeta says noncommittally, nuzzling into your shoulder.

“Mm, why?”

“We reek like jizz.”

It’s gross and you know it, but you like the smell. The combined smell of both of your sex fluids is strong and weird and uniquely yours.

“It smells good, though.”

They chortle. “Don’t encourage the ids.”

“It does, though, doesn’t it?”

They laugh again. “Yeah, it smells fucking awesome. But Hal. Think of Hal. Save him the pain of processing that olfactory data.”

You sigh. “Yeah, okay. Can we do it later?”

“Mm,” they agree. “Yeah. Don’t wanna leave you for the next 15 hours.” You agree. You’ve read about a post-coital bonding hormone. You thought you understood at that at the time. You did not. You understand it now. You don’t want to leave perfect, sexy Davepeta for the next year, and your overly-gushy heart is getting all warm and glowy that they apparently feel the same way. You scratch at their head and they purr. “You spoil me so much, oh my god.”

“You’re so hot.”

They bury their head further in your arm and mumble something.

“What?”

“Don’t, you’re gonna get me riled up.”

“…Again? Really? Wow.”

“This shit didn’t come with a manual.”

“So that wasn’t not normal for you?” They look away uncomfortably. Shit. “What’s wrong? Fuck, am I prying? I don’t need to know, you can-”

“No, it’s just. I, uh, _normal_ is a relative term.” You wait for them to continue. “I’ve only, uh, managed to get myself off, like, twice.”

Your eyes widen. “Whoa, okay.” That hurts your chest to think about. That sucks so bad. You hope the two of you can figure out a way for that to suck less.

“More focused study would have probably yielded more results, but yeah, I, like, don’t spend a lot of time down there, because… anyways, uh, Nepeta was pretty human-average but Davesprite could go, like, seven times in a row.”

“What?!” You’re learning all kinds of insane stuff today, how is that possible?

“It’d actually kind of hurt if he only went once, isn’t that fucked up? And I, uh, apparently still have that going on.”

You’re pretty sure you can smell fresh fluids leaking from Davesprite, and your mind is going _places_ with this information.

“I wonder how many times you can go off in a row.”

They moan a little before clearing their throat, but they can’t do anything about the bright green flush on their cheeks and chest.

“I bet we can get you to seven,” you say.

“Jade, holy shit,” they say tightly.

You trail your fingertips their body slowly. “You want to see if we can get to three?”

“Please.”

You kiss them and begin the experiment.

*

You get to five, actually. Davepeta gets you to three. You know you’re being insanely indulgent with this, but neither one of you really cares about that. It’s so fun. Then, and only then, when Davepeta is shuddering and smiling and clinging to you like a barnacle, are the two of you actually tired out.

You open a window to try to do something about the (perfect) stank that you’ve perfumed the room with. Then you drift off next to them with a satisfied smile on your face. If this is what the sex part of dating is about, you’re very excited for the future.

**Author's Note:**

> gonna try uploading 1x per week on sundays from now on


End file.
